My life in a war
by tiger the wolf
Summary: Murrue tells the story about what she believes in life well being in the war.


_**My Life In A War**_

_By: Murrue Ramius_

This is my life summed up in a book so that people will finally know the truth. I am the captain of the Archangel only because my best friend Natarle Badgiruel thought I could handle it. The truth is I never wanted to be the captain, it just grow on me and now it's my life. People think I've changed but the truth is, I haven't changed at all I'm still the same person everyone knew. There maybe something different about me, but in my eyes the change was a good thing. The nickname the rebellious angel was given to me as a fine cover up, but I'm not that rebellious even though it may seem that way. In the war people fight to protect what they believe in, but what we believe in is just what someone puts into are heads. I don't believe what everyone else believes, I believe that everyone is just afraid to die so they fight because there simply scared. Now I didn't write this book to tell you what to believe, I simply wrote this book to give you what your missing from the big picture. You don't have to believe it and you can even think I'm crazy, but all I'm asking is for you to listen.

The true reason for why I joined the war to begin with is because my best friend was joining, but the only reason she joined was because of her father who happens to hated me. At the beginning of the war I too did do what the top people told me to do, but than I met someone from the opposite side who made me change my way of thinking. That someone is named Rau Le Creuset and he is also the best thing that's happened to me. Of course that would be next to my husband Mu La Flaga, that's why now you can find my phone number under La Flaga in stand of Ramius. Yes, I'm still married and glad I am even though I've gone through a lot. I've disagreed with him all my life except for two agreement which of course was to get married and have kids. The biggest disagreement was Rau the truth is Mu didn't like him at all, me on the other hand loved both him and Rau. You see I learned that in this war the only thing you are is a pone, something they can use just to kill the enemy. They don't care if you die people believe you should throw your life away to do what seems right. The thing is I'm not going to just stand by and watch people throw the only life they have away. The true thing here is that I through my life away, and once you do you can never get it back.

My life is really nothing to anybody except to those who love me. Though the thing is both natural, or coordinator care about my well being. The reason for this is I have made friends in both Zaft, and Earth. So if you really think about it I'm not betraying either side because I'm helping both. My reasons are simple I feel that coordinators and naturals are no different, even though coordinators are a little bit better at things. This is because in the war both naturals and coordinators die, when one person dies on one side the same happens to the other. That is why I feel that both sides are the same, we are all afraid of the same things and we all care for the people we are with. Lets face it some people who are in this war don't want to fight but are afraid of the consequences, but the truth is I'm one person who doesn't want to fight anymore and doesn't care about the consequences to go along with it.

The one thing about life I know is that life is what you make of it, it's something you can throw away or something you can care about. My life is something I learned to care about and not take for granted. Rau is one of those people who taught me that you shouldn't let the only life you have go to waste. So I wanted to do something more with my life, which of course was to stop the war because I had enough with it. I did the only thing I could do which was to stop fighting. So the archangle never fought a single fight the whole entire time it was in a battle. Soon after that even zaft pilots stop there fire on the archangle it's self. So even though the archangle is there enemy I've become a nonthreat, I've gained there trust and I'm glad I have because I've earned it. I just don't think that the earth forces are liking it very much that zaft thinks of me that way. It certainly isn't helping me clear my name from the rebellious angel nickname.

I've had countless warnings to stop what I was doing but I never did. I taught my kids Rusty and Nizuki that if you give up on what you believe in your only giving up on your self. I almost did give up but thanks to my daughter I changed my mind, and decided to continue what I was doing. But then I got the biggest warning of them all, and I tryed to listen but very time I was going to attack I called it off. I just couldn't live with the fact that I would be killing millions of innocent people, I already had to live with it and it hurts every day. I kept getting the memory of almost killing Rau once before and seeing it almost happen again didn't help. Even if I wasn't aiming at him I still got the flashback of the archangle shooting at him, and watching his machine explode all because I decided to save Kira Yamato that day. I then found out that he managed to survive that attack and I was really grateful that he did live, but it really hurt knowing that I was the one who almost got away with killing him.

I was given the opportunity to be seated on the council if I cleaned up my act. I still didn't clean up my act but thanks to Admiral Dae I got on the council anyway. Even though I was on the council they all didn't agree I was suitable for the spot, so I still wasn't safe and the earth alliance certainly didn't care about me at all. So behind my back they put Christine Dae in the roll of keeping an eye on me, and this was even before I was put on the council. Then I even had Natarle watching me once I was on the council. So because of the two people who had the responsibility to report things I was doing I was found out. They then knew that I wasn't shooting down the enemy and they weren't to pleased with it either. I got a phone call from my friend Rena Imelia saying that I was in trouble and that if I came back to Alaska I would probably be thrown in jail. That would have resulted in court so I would have had to plead a good enough case to be freed, and if I didn't it would have ended with my death.

Even though Admiral Dae knew of what I was doing he still looked out for me. That was just like Admiral Halberton or by his first name Lewis. They both kept a watchful eye on me just in case I was in any serious trouble, they wouldn't have let anything ever happen to me. So because Admiral Dae knew Lewis Halberton cared about me very much before he passed away he made sure I was on the council, and made sure that my friends knew that I was in trouble so that they could tell me to run so that I would be safe. He made sure I was okay and some how found out about my illness. I was looked out for and people cared about me even after what I was doing. The truth is some friends I wasn't so sure about any more, that being after Natarle shot at me. That's what started most of the problems I have it life except for a few things.

My life is full of problems but my friends help me to get though them all. If I didn't have them around I wouldn't have any luck at all. My friends really do care of me even when there life is in total danger they still try there best to help me. I'm really glad I have such great friends and because there so great I would do anything for them. That includes having my own life taken from me, I know that it sounds crazy but it's entirely true. Most of the problems I get stuck with are not exactly normal, then again my whole life isn't exactly normal either. So I guess it could be worse, besides I learned that when you think things are bad they can be way worse. Someone out there is more likely to be having a harder time then you are in life, even if it doesn't feel that way.


End file.
